Rob's Oyster

I used to have all kinds of drama in my life.  Issues with friends, workmates, family, the random stranger who asked me for money to buy gas.

Over time, I’ve worked hard to minimize the drama.  I’ve pruned the bad apples and “chilled out” about the metaphorical jerk who constantly cuts me off in traffic.

My life is pretty fantastic.  I’ve got a wonderful wife, I live in a beautiful and friendly city, and I spend my days working at what I love and feel passionately about.

And then there’s the “Idiot Man-Child” who lives above me.

He’s an art student who seems to lack any sort of common sense or coordination (my wife and I often hear him fall up the stairs as he makes his way to the second floor). He pounds around noisily throughout the night waking us repeatedly.  We’ve talked to him about it several times, talked to the landlord, attempted to make mutually agreeable compromises, and slept many a night in our living room on the inflatable mattress.

I don’t drink anymore, but he has definitely made me re-consider that choice from time-to-time.

This all leads me to the point of this blog entry: We, as humans, can only control our own behavior.  As great as everything in my life may be (or as bad as it may, at any time, become) peace of mind must come from within.

Imagine this:

You’re at a party and you meet someone.  This person is “so cool.”  One of those people that you meet and seem to instantly connect with.  They’re into the same things you are.  They’re not into the same things you’re not into.  By the end of the party they’re your new best friend.  After the party, before you go to bed, you’ve already friended them on Facebook.

As the weeks and months go on, you become better friends.  You’re in the same circle of friends, so it’s relatively easy.  But you also begin to notice “something.”  This “something” gets under your skin.  But they’re your “new best friend” so you push it to the side.  It’s no big deal, you tell yourself.

As time goes on, this “something” becomes the only thing you notice about them.  Sure they’re nice, but there’s “something” about them that you just can’t stand.  And then there was that argument about “something.”  You said how you felt, but “something” keeps happening.

A year in and you’re wondering, “How did I ever become friends with this person?” while at the same time saying “they’d be so cool if it weren’t for ‘something!’”

It’s time for them to become an “ex-friend.”

Making someone your ex-friend isn’t easy.  Before they can be your ex-friend, they have to be your friend.  This means that you care about them and don’t want to hurt them.  Plus, they’re friends with everyone you know so you’re going to have to keep seeing them everywhere, and that’s awkward.

It’s quite likely, however, your soon to be ex-friend feels the same way about you as you do about them.  They want to break up too!  You’re both holding each other back.  There’s just “something” about both of you that neither of you can tolerate.

Eventually, “something” happens yet again, and the inevitable explosion (or quiet realization) makes the friendship untenable.  You go your separate ways (which happens to intersect a lot because you have the same friends).  You’re no longer friends.  More like semi-hostile neighbors.

At first, it’s weird.  Likely, you ignore each others stolen glances.  Later, maybe an awkward smile.  Maybe a few niceties.

Then, before you know it, you’ve become acquaintances again.  There’s still that “something” about them, but now it’s just “a little something.”

And you realize things are as they should have been all along.